Early showers

I'm going to a baby shower for a good friend tomorrow. I got cute little warm socks and a Winnie the Poo long-sleeved, striped onesie. It was the best little outfit I could find that was not either sickeningly pink or blue (good grief) and not too expensive. But this one is cute and not too scratchy. I have disdain for scratchy baby clothes. It's also of a size that he can grow into all Winter and Spring. Yeah, I am happy at my find. ... I also have quilt plans in the works, but that project is running slower... I still have about 4 weeks to work on it if he doesn't show up early.

Interesting that I have gained a certain dispassionate distance about other people's pregnancies. I even spent some time with pregnant friends for a relaxed work-related meeting last week, and (surprise!) did not either avoid or dwell on the matter.
I think I have a new focus since we decided to pursue adoption. It's a relief after all this time to not have to obsess over my body and what it is or isn't doing, what substances go in when and how and for that matter (on the extreme end), why the hell are we denied our happiness. To not have to worry about the physical stress of it any more. Or for that matter, to not have so much emotional reaction when other people bring it up. Well, ok, I still have reaction, but it's channeled a little differently. More snark and less tears. hehehe! Should that be my new motto?

Six months ago, I would have been dubious about my going gracefully to anyone's baby shower, even for a good friend. Now, I am almost looking forward to it! I *am* looking forward to it. I am happy for her, and I'm almost happy it isn't me feeling so highly uncomfortable in these late stages. As long as people don't start acting hyper sensitive or insensitive towards me, I think I am going to do ok. Not the hyper awareness of "how difficult it must be" for me (gag), nor the obliviously callous questions and assumptions. Even if so, ... eh... I will still do ok. I am more matter of fact. I have closed that door so that people don't stumble over junk in the dark and break something of mine.

In any case, I don't have to *host* this shower; I can show up and have fun and then go home and not linger if it gets unexpectedly painful. I can just go wheee! And how exciting!! I get a honorary nephew. :) hee hee And also think--better her than me. And then contemplate a baby quit for my own little girl down the road...