A Blue but Happy Solstice

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For some reason this year, I have been much more aware of the shifting of the planet, the darkness creeping ever further into the day.  So I looked forward to the Solstice with more than cursory attention. Another day closer to the bottom of the year, before we started shifting back into the light--Yess!!

We went to a bonfire last night, hung out with friends in the cold, noshing on food and dodging sparks and smoke.  Lots of funny stories about recent projects, botched opportunities to talk to our children about sex maturely (haha!), and the most outrageous things that we've taken onto planes in carry-on luggage before "the recent brouhaha" (as a British friend calls it) made such things impossible. (For the curious, the list included a chainsaw, a small butane torch, cans of salmon, and bloody scalpels and surgical scissors, and 40 pounds of frozen cow tissue for research purposes, thank you. No, I'm not kidding about any of it.)  Also, of children finally flying the nest and gossip about acquaintances still suffering from serious illness that's never gone into remission (dammit), and houses half-renovated and clients who have more money than taste...  

I can't say I was feeling very talkative.  It was just nice to see friends and be in the circle, eat some soup, watch the clouds racing over the nearly-full moon.   Afterwards, I felt a little blue. Probably it's just the early-winter lack-of-light kicking in. Or the let-down of adrenaline after finishing a busy week. Or my period kicking in.  Or the reminder that people probably gossip about us when we are not around.  Or that I have a few things that just won't get done this year, damn those ambitions.   Or maybe just not enough chocolate. 

I have actually gotten out Christmas cards this year after years and years of abstaining.  Wrote a holiday letter and everything and persisted in cultivating non-perfectionistic attitudes--it's good.  I made Christmas cookies with my niece and got a new pizzelle press, with which I have been gleefully making pizzelles.  It's just... I don't know. Chalk it up to holiday blues.   Again, M is pretty amazing, though.  He's not one to press me to be or feel something I don't.  I don't know how he does it sometimes, dealing with me and my moods when I get irate or upset or just depressed.  Classic male internalizer, I guess. :)  That and he loves me.  He also says that I am so caring and understanding when he needs to talk about his stuff as well, so I don't feel so bad about leaning on him when I need it.  

So... much to do this weekend, even though we are moving slowly at the moment.  I am enjoying my new Christmas music, CD versions of some old Windham Hill tapes.  

Other happy things:  

Earlier this week, I spent a significant chunk of money buying toys to donate to a local Share Your Christmas program.  I had fun finding numerous presents appropriate for children between the ages of 7-17.  We also made a gift run (together--it's fun! heehee) to buy for family members, and knocked off most of our list. We've even kept to our original budget pretty well.  My sisters are also thinking along the same lines, so it's actually kinda fun working within this $20-25 parameter.  It also helps avoid my perfectionism from getting in the way (too much) of making choices. 

Six cards in the mail box this morning!  Woot!!  That the haul included cards from a neighbor, a former neighbor, a Flickr friend, a Jewish friend, and someone I haven't heard from in more than 5 years is all the more astounding to me.  Must send out my own last few cards.  

I don't know if I will have he wherewithal to post a lovely holiday greeting, so consider yourselves greeted. :)  I really appreciate the comments and connections out here on the web, even on this brave new world of blogging. 

A cheerful, newsy email from the niece who's old enough to be on the internet. :)  The promise of rain tomorrow... The promise of cookies to come. :)  The lack of cat spit on the pine needles (believe me, this is a very good thing!).  Photos of my friends' Christmas trees and interiors.  Cozy interiors. Cozy spouses. Green vegetables to take the edge off the cookie madness.  Time to get off the internet and do other things.  And yea for more light coming back. We need it. 

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