Shedding

My last post showed how I love to hold onto little things. I like the special details, but still... there's a lot of crap. Or as some more ruthless, less sensitive relatives might say, it's ALL crap! The older I get, the more I tend to agree. If it's not useful, it's Crrrap!

I remember my grandfather later in his life grousing about photographs. I had asked him about the rest of his collection of family photos, and he started talking about how they were all "meaningless." At the time (this was 25 years ago), I was really shocked to hear him say that... he'd been a photographer all of his life, even had a tiny darkroom under the stairs when my mother was growing up. In my family on both sides, family photographs were part of the very fabric of life, documenting the generations, holding the threads of family history and narrative together.

But now, these many years later, I've started to appreciate what I think he meant. I have boxes and boxes of journals, letters and photographs. A few years ago, I started feeling oppressed by the vast *volume* of all these so-called precious memories, blah di-blah. I thought--my god, I've only lived barely half my life and already I have *this* much stuff??? What the hell am I going to do for the next umpteen years? And who will want to look at all that? (I had already seen my future with my parents' house full of things that, as executor, I would someday have to distribute and sort.) It was becoming a chore to store all that stuff, rearranged or no.

I started to plot ways to give things away. I went through photos and threw away double copies of bad photos. I ruthlessly tore through boxes of memorabilia and culled down to the smallest volume (I'm still working on that one; I have a backlog).

I got a Flickr account and started putting photo images there. I still take lots of photos, maybe even more than when I was shooting film, but I've printed maybe 20 photo images in the last 2 years. And I save only the really meaningful images.

Even with my writing, I started feeling oppressed by the writing I used to do. All this excessive documentation that I've been schooled in since I was a child, it's not the sacred task it used to be. Who the hell am I saving it for? Myself? I'm bored with it. For my future theoretical children or future generations? Do they really need my life notes from when I was in junior high? For my husband if he outlives me? Same thing, plus I've already shared the juicy bits. For my literary future biography? *snort*chuckle* For historical purposes? *heehee! as if!*

The only reason I can see to save my journals (for instance) is to reflect on who I have been and how I got where I am now. I do like that. But although it can be useful to return to the past to evaluate where one came from, I'm not feeling it now. The sheer volume weighs me down.

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I used to like feeling the coziness of being surrounded by things that I loved. More often, these days, I can't breath from all the *crap* surrounding me. I just can't stand it, and start flinging things away left and right.

But I don't think I have given up having things that I love. I am no ascetic to live in a spare, blank space. I still love coziness.

But my priorities have changed. Some things I thought were so important, even some of my best-beloved possessions or activities, I don't find so vital any more. It's so strange to see such loved things receding in importance. Such goes the mid-life transition.

It's as if I have been shedding the person I used to be, and the old skin doesn't fit. It itches and binds. It's painful, shedding. Like a bad sunburn of my youth, I'm rubbing it off in curls and sheets, peeling, both horrified and relieved, knowing new skin wants to come through.

It's very sad to see parts of my old self go. As much as I cherish the self I have become, the self I am becoming, I look back on my younger self fondly. So many hopes and dreams, frustrations and learning accomplishments. I don't want to forget all that. I keep small mementoes. As one comic wit once said... Everyone carries baggage, but you want to aim for carry-on luggage, not steamer trunks.

Here's to the shedding...

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Art & Life Detritus

I meant to muse on arranging of personal space, and instead spun off on collected clutter, AND about other related aspects. So maybe I'll post it over several days. Ridiculous, now that I've written enough for several days to post it all at once, eh?

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I am a magpie by nature and inclination. I tend to collect what I call neat things. Some of that is just paper crap. Some of it art or articles or neat little, well-designed things that catch my eye.

Since I am very spatially and visually sensitive, I like having a clear space AND interesting detail. It's hard to live on either extreme of the continuum. The detail is stimulating, but I need clear space to actually think. So I have conflicting desires for ahhh... clear empty, clean space with good light.... and reminders of all the cool things I notice.

Too much empty space? Things start piling up almost immediately.
Too much clutter? I can't think.

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A small list of some of the things I have collected and/or still have around:

1. Tiny wooden paperclips. Some teeny, others just child-sized.
2. A child's antique aluminum cup with cute scenes on the sides. (family antique)
3. A little colorful inspirational note that one of my teachers gave me.
4. Three different nickels with three different designs on them.
5. A little bauble of a baby in a red blanket + bell from OCDF.
6. A little 2005 calendar from Italy that my sister gave me -- I still enjoy the pictures.
7. Several whelks of different sizes. Actually, I have many seashells collected over the years.
8. A metal entrance fee tab from a local art museum that has a cool design on it.
9. One of those wire and bead orbs that can be pushed and pulled into myriad shapes--a tiny one. I rearrange it every so often.
10. Small paint mixing implements from college.
11. A tiny mother of pearl bird bead that was from a necklace from my childhood. The necklace broke; I still have the bird.
12. An artists-quality pencil sharpener. An artist's Magic Rub erasure.
13. A "panic button" that looks like a computer keyboard key.
14. A hair clip with an iridescent crystal flower on the end. Acts as a worry stone.
15. An array of vintage plastic toys, probably gotten from cracker jack boxes 30 years ago.
16. Postcards of an Ansel Adams tree and graveyard. (not my only art postcards)
17. A piece of old wrapping paper with a very cool design on it.
18. A green stone heart.
19. A list of hexadecimal color codes for colors I was trying to use in my blog. bg color = 99FFCC = pale green
20. A Danish star ornament my cousin gave me when she visited there one year.
21. A small screwdriver from my grandfather's farm.
22. Small poetry wrappers from Italian Bacio candies. Sample verse: Love is a sudden revelation: a kiss is always a discovery.
23. A commemorative "Heroes" postage stamp from 2001 showing firemen and EMTs raising an American flag.
Other "art" postage stamps over the years.
24. A paper tanagram made out of card stock.
25. Cat nail clippers.
26. Finishing knobs for the coat rack I have not hung up yet.
27. A card my husband gave me for our first anniversary.
28. Several teeny stubs of fabu quality drawing pencils.
29. A small thumbdrive.
30. A small strip of artist's information from a print I framed ten years ago.
31. A seamripper.
32. A a cool illustration from an artist friend's exhibit announcement.

This is only a short list, barely scraping the surface. I could go on... but I know you're ready for me to stop, already.

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Some of the reasons I hang onto things:

It's a cute color.
It has a clever shape or design.
It's small.
I have several of the same kind of thing and are interesting as a collection.
It reminds me of positive things in the past.
It reminds me of friends or family.
Someone gave it to me.
It is from an earlier era.
I like physically manipulating it.
I actually need and use it.

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Some of my "purging" strategies:

Give it away--regift or give to goodwill.
Ask myself if I will every look at it again.
Ask myself if I love it, need it or use it.
Throw stuff out.
Take a picture and then throw it out.
Shred and then throw out.
Have it accidentally destroyed.
Let it get mildewed so I am more motivated to ditch it.
Put in on the curb and wait for someone to scavenge it.
Throw some things out before they get added to a pile.
Do the FlyLady 27 Fling Boogie! Find 27 things to throw away in 15 minutes.

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Some of my "arranging" strategies:

Categorize and containerize attractively (my favorite).
Scrapbook it.
Stuff it in the closet.
Hide it away, and whenever I try to reevaluate, agonize over what to do with it.
Rearrange so that it looks more like art.
Use it more frequently.

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However, as FlyLady says, you can't organize clutter, so if I don't use something, it gets more scrutiny.

Sometimes I bargain with myself that if I don't get rid of something, the price is that I use it more often. Appreciate what you have. And if I don't use it, *pfft!* Out it goes.

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Baby-Equipment-Clutter: Only The Beginning

Thriftshop Finds, Aug 2007

I've been finally taking more stuff to the local thrifts shops. And there's lots more to go. One little/big box of junk at a time... It feels good, and there is a noticeable difference in the house. Yeah for Flylady! ( See: Flylady.net ) I <3 Flylady.


So anyway, I was over at one of my favorite thriftshopes recently and saw/scored several kid items:

1. A little drawing table.

Brightly colored plastic with cup holders and storage under the drawing surface/lid. Next to one of those big plastic easels. Actually, I was undecided enough that I did not pursue this, but I might got back and see if it's still there (not likely that it is, though).


2. A baby gate.

It's one of those that you expand and then then push a little metal bracket into a slot along the wooden brace to yes, brace it in place. It seemed in good condition. After I brought it home, I tried it out on the extra wide doorway to our kitchen for a while. Seems okay, not fabulous. It might get knocked down under some pressure. Could be a good stop-gap piece, though. M and I both got tired of walking over it after a while. I guess we will have to practice our hurdling technique for later? hehe


3. Am extra-wide stroller by Evenflo. (The best stroller among several there.)

It looks like a jogging stroller with double front wheels that turn on a quarter. At the store, I wheeled it around a bit and it seemed pretty sturdy and facile. It was in good condition although the wheels showed some wear. I had a hard time figuring out the folding mechanism. Finally, by fussing around with it, it suddenly folded down in an unexpected way.

Okay, so it folds! I'll take it! I figured that even if we ultimately ended up getting different items that the cash outlay was not excessive here. Only about 11 bucks. It seemed like a good gamble.

It was not until I got it home that it occurred to me to try to *un*fold the thing. Oops. Much muttering, sighing and cursing ensued. Online was no help in figuring out the mechanism. All I got there were people complaining about this or that Evenflo stroller. Double oops! More cursing and sighing. Eventually, my patient husband came out to see if he could figure out the thing. Yeah for my troubleshooter!

Yah, it seems there is a trick to it... Some additional latch thingie on the side to release. Now it's back up and running, sort to speak. I spent some time poking around and seeing how things adjusted. I think it's supposed to recline also but haven't figured out that piece of it. I still like the stroller other than the aggravation of the folding/unfolding, so I guess we'll keep it around unless/until another option becomes necessary. Plus, the cat boys love it! One after the other had to sit in the prime spot. They looked very happy. I will worry about stroller competition with its rightful owner (our child) later.

The only real downside now is that it is a hulking piece of equipment! I had not thought about what kind of space it would take up in our little house. This is the beginning of the end, isn't it? Welcome to baby-equipment-clutter-hell! *smiles brightly*

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