Baby-Equipment-Clutter: Only The Beginning

Thriftshop Finds, Aug 2007

I've been finally taking more stuff to the local thrifts shops. And there's lots more to go. One little/big box of junk at a time... It feels good, and there is a noticeable difference in the house. Yeah for Flylady! ( See: Flylady.net ) I <3 Flylady.


So anyway, I was over at one of my favorite thriftshopes recently and saw/scored several kid items:

1. A little drawing table.

Brightly colored plastic with cup holders and storage under the drawing surface/lid. Next to one of those big plastic easels. Actually, I was undecided enough that I did not pursue this, but I might got back and see if it's still there (not likely that it is, though).


2. A baby gate.

It's one of those that you expand and then then push a little metal bracket into a slot along the wooden brace to yes, brace it in place. It seemed in good condition. After I brought it home, I tried it out on the extra wide doorway to our kitchen for a while. Seems okay, not fabulous. It might get knocked down under some pressure. Could be a good stop-gap piece, though. M and I both got tired of walking over it after a while. I guess we will have to practice our hurdling technique for later? hehe


3. Am extra-wide stroller by Evenflo. (The best stroller among several there.)

It looks like a jogging stroller with double front wheels that turn on a quarter. At the store, I wheeled it around a bit and it seemed pretty sturdy and facile. It was in good condition although the wheels showed some wear. I had a hard time figuring out the folding mechanism. Finally, by fussing around with it, it suddenly folded down in an unexpected way.

Okay, so it folds! I'll take it! I figured that even if we ultimately ended up getting different items that the cash outlay was not excessive here. Only about 11 bucks. It seemed like a good gamble.

It was not until I got it home that it occurred to me to try to *un*fold the thing. Oops. Much muttering, sighing and cursing ensued. Online was no help in figuring out the mechanism. All I got there were people complaining about this or that Evenflo stroller. Double oops! More cursing and sighing. Eventually, my patient husband came out to see if he could figure out the thing. Yeah for my troubleshooter!

Yah, it seems there is a trick to it... Some additional latch thingie on the side to release. Now it's back up and running, sort to speak. I spent some time poking around and seeing how things adjusted. I think it's supposed to recline also but haven't figured out that piece of it. I still like the stroller other than the aggravation of the folding/unfolding, so I guess we'll keep it around unless/until another option becomes necessary. Plus, the cat boys love it! One after the other had to sit in the prime spot. They looked very happy. I will worry about stroller competition with its rightful owner (our child) later.

The only real downside now is that it is a hulking piece of equipment! I had not thought about what kind of space it would take up in our little house. This is the beginning of the end, isn't it? Welcome to baby-equipment-clutter-hell! *smiles brightly*

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Books and Other Thoughts, August 2007

I have loads of random mis-matched snippets, m'dears. Bite-sized, fun-sized. (Have I been reading too much mimi smartypants? Why, yes I have! hehe :))

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I recently made an effort to list the adoption- , attachment-, learning- and China-related books I have been wanting to read. That's partly because there are SO MANY that I cannot keep them all straight in my head long enough to find them. So when I read good reviews (eg several useful reviews from Rumor Queen recently), I write 'em down. And given that I would like to stretch our dollars to maximum effect (and not just buy everything in sight), I have started looking for titles at our local library first. I was somehow surprized that they actually have many of the titles I am looking for! I requested one book and found a couple others.

Two adoption/identity-related books I've started reading:

In Their Own Voices: Transracial Adoptees Tell Their Stories by Rita J. Simon and Rhonda M. Roorda. and

Inside Transracial Adoption: Strength-based, culture-sensitizing parent strategies for inter-country or domestic adoptive families that don't "match" by Gail Steinberg and Beth Hall

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ITOV consists mostly of a series of in-depth telephone interviews with transracial adoptees (I guess that's the term) about their experiences growing up and addressing their cultural and racial identity. As I work my way through the book, I periodically find a statement that hits me as good-advice-to-remember, and want to write it down. I started a file to collect some of these, but it quickly became tedious. I wanted to absorb the stories, not just take text-book notes. :) Maybe later.

The interviews are quite interesting. So far, most of the stories have been of racially-black or mixed children. There should be some of Asian children, but I haven't seen them yet.

One core idea that screams out is how important it is for the adoptive parents to make a *conscious effort* to expose their child to their birth culture in order that they have a smoother path to a coherant self-identity. Simply raising the child as if they were "white like them" typically leads to pain and confusion. :(

At least one story is very sad for the lack of cultural support which contributes heavily to the child's alienation from both her home and birth cultures. But it's also true that this same child lived in a small town in the midwest (Indiana or Illinois) where I know from my own experience (!!) is often NOT conducive to open discussion of uncomfortable topics! Witness my own in-laws who try to ignore uncomfortable or merely unusual situations out of existance!
So this poor child is both still quite young and Mid-Western, still trying to find her way and be accepted by *somebody*, in prime condition to be sucked into a cult or other abusive organization... Her attempts thus far to connect with her own racial/cultural identity have been met with both subtle and frank disapproval and discomfort from her parents... and some derision from others of her racial group for her awkwardness. So at the time of the interview, she was going to college (persisting although neither parent had gone to college themselves), and trying to make opportunities for herself. She seems to be fighting an uphill battle for her core self, not the least of which is needing to learn to push ahead despite her parents' need to push her down so that she doesn't make them uncomfortable. (! My God, I am not even kidding.) I'm inclined to think that, although her parents had fostered dozens of foster kids of various ethnicities over the years, that they were the wrong people to actually adopt a minority-race baby... :(

That one is sad. But there are other stories that are rather inspiring, in terms of how the parents being open, frank, and giving their child ample exposure to their birth race/culture. Those parents who make a strong consistent effort to clearly and openly address identity seem to raise self-confident and happy children... Quite interesting.

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ITRA is also quite interesting! In fact, as soon as I picked it up to skim it and peruse the table of contents, I became convinced that I would have to buy this in the future. It looks like it has very practical strategies for helping ones child and family keep up with the issues of families with "unmatched" ethnic identities.

One thing I have learned already (from skimming), is that if someone is rude towards or prejudiced against one's child or family, the first important thing is to take care of your child's needs *first*, rather than trying to respond to the rude person. It may be that the person does not get a response, but the family provides a united front of solidarity.

At the same time, it is also vitally important to not tolerate ANY instance of racism or subtle racist attitude to create the supportive environment for your child(ren). If somebody is making a hurtful or thoughtlessly racist remark, jokingly or merely offhandedly, call them on it! Respectfully and straightforwardly, but firmly. I'm sure I'll have some quotes later...

The book acknowledges the balance the parents must strike encouraging both bonding/attachment and differentiation. Lots of interesting, very practical, things to think about. I'll write more about my impressions as I read deeper, but even at this superficial level, I am very impressed with this book. Looks like one for our own library.

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We've been slowly de-cluttering in preparation for serious baby-proofing the house. And just in time, Clutter Girl has some useful and inspiring Babyproofing Reviews here: (Updated to show URL. Sorry about that.)

http://cluttergirl.typepad.com/founding_a_family_in_clut/2007/08/babyproofing-re.html

Many cool items I will no doubt acquire eventually. Things I had never even thought of needing, like fridge and toilet locks! I probably need to start a list of *that* too, items needed/wanted, so that I can space them out and avoid killing our budget.


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On the decluttering side, I've been greatly enjoying FLYlady's website and email services. I can't rave enough about her! Some of her sayings:

Progress, not perfection.

Housework done imperfectly will still bless your family.

You can do anything for 15 minutes.

You are not behind! Jump in where you are!


hee hee! It's like being in training to be an efficient parent. At least, that's how I'm thinking of it. A chance to develop better habits and routines so that we don't descend into complete and utter chaos (or CHAOS) once our daughter arrives. Yeah, not complete and utter chaos, just minor sleepless chaos. :)

So far, I have inspired one friend and one sister, and inspired even my *husband* (!!!) to build better care-taking routines. Abso-luely-freakin-amazing, that. :) I am still taking baby steps with it, so even if I backslide a little, I still have a core set of routines that help keep me going until I can jump back in.

I can't convince you if you are not in the place to appreciate her warm wisdom. But it you *are* interested in a fun and supportive system for housework and life, check it out. :) Cool stuff for SHEs (Side-tracked Home Executives) like myself. And more fun than you would expect...


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Oh yes.

I think I said that I have started joining all kinds of LID and agency groups.

I am staying relatively quiet until I figure out if/when I have something to ask/say. Or until/if there is any topic of interest to read about... But I almost always see a few waiting PAPs (potential adoptive parents) speculating about the wait times, but *frequently* being clueless about the wait situation, sometimes spectacularly so. There are too too many PAPs for which the mere thought of a 3+ year wait is shocking news. :(

I am somehow shocked that some PAPs are just now getting wind of the wait times. And I am disgusted to hear that some agencies are still telling people in my LID month that they can expect to be home by something like the end of 2008!!! Which is just insanely unlikely. It would take a miracle for things to speed up to that degree. 'Taint likely. And hugely unfair to the families who are still expecting 18-22 months. :(

So I haven't decided how, if at all, to break current "news" to such uninformed (rather, mis-informed) PAPs. While I think about it (and laugh somewhat bitterly about their naivety), someone else steps in and does the brave deed of informing them of the true situation. :( How hard and unbelievable it must be to get smacked with this information all at once. We at least were disappointed gradually. We have had time to adjust our expectations.

If I had not found info on the web but relied only on my agency to tell me accurate expectations, I'd be at some point angrily disappointed. I know the agencies want to put a good face on it, but geez. I don't see how they can avoid hoards of angry clients as the sh*t starts hitting the fan more publicly.

I know this is long and disgruntled, but all I wanted to say is--there are still people who have not gotten the secret memo. :( And I have mixed feelings about seeing that. It's like a train wreck. I wince, but I can't quite look away.


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On a completely different note, I have been recently reading about some people undertaking the massive project of "ripping" their music CDs to digital storage. I am not ready to join to MP3 / iP0d crowd (I like listening to speakers that are *not* stuck in my ears, thank you), but I can see it coming. CDs are on their way to being *gasp* obsolete! Reading some of this recently (people converting vast collections into various mediums and storages, trying to figure what to do with the cases and liner notes with attendant imagery), I experienced a shiver of foreshadowing.

Yes, I still have stacks and stacks of cassette tapes that I rarely ever listen to any more (unless I am traveling). Yes, I still have record albums that I can't listen to any more for excess of dust and lack of turntable.

So I have already experienced the frustration of having things go obsolete and/or madly transferring audio and visual data onto ever-improving/changing storage systems. I have already run through the sequence of big 5" floppy to small 3.5" floppy, to zip discs to CDs to external storage to thumbdrives to... ? So I suddenly realized that someday my CD collection will be obsolete and thus neglected! Nooooo...

I remember buying my first two CDs ever: the Beatles' Sergeant Pepper's album as a gift for my then-boyfriend and Paul Simon's Graceland album for myself. Heck, I remember the first LP I ever bought (that's a long-playing record for you young whipper-snappers), which was The Best of The Eagles. Which I now have on CD. (heh) Where will it end????

Although I tend to run ahead of the curve on numerous societal trends, I adopt new popular technology mostly kicking and screaming, or at least groaning and complaining. I am not looking forward to the eventual conversion. *sigh*

Meanwhile, I'll enjoy my current fab music CD collection. Life is good. :) And no, it's not the cliche.

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Disappointment and Happiness

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As a reward to myself after a shopping trip with M recently, I bought some ice cream at the nearby store... (of course, I knew it was there before we went to that part of town and had been anticipated the trip.) It's one of those place where you can add fun stuff into the mix. But when I got there, I could not remember what I had had before that I liked so much. Despite the noise in the place, the young man at the counter recognized what I was looking for from my description--yea-- and mixed it up for me. But when I got my ice cream, it was not what I had expected. It still had coffee ice cream, but it included peanut butter and some other stuff (not bad, but wtf ??) and he'd left out the chocolate syrup... I was feeling too nice to object (it also being quite loud I didn't feel like trying to explain myself yet again), just paid for my ice cream and sat down.

At first, I was feeling very disappointed and resigned to this serving of not-quite-what-I-wanted. For instance, peanut butter is not what I think of when I want a treat for myself, although the bits of cookie added great texture. It tasted pretty good, but I was having a hard time getting over that it wasn't what I had wanted. Mutter, mutter...

Then I told myself I was being silly. I was letting my disappointment get in the way of enjoying some fab ice cream. I told myself that if I had been offered this exact same thing at a friend's house, I would not have turned it down, and in fact would be relishing it for the treat it was. I told myself this enough times to let it sink in... Gradually, I could just sit and enjoy the experience for what it was: yummy. Status of Attitude Adjustment: Success.

Then later, I realized that I could whip up exactly what I wanted at home with ingredients that I could obtain for significantly less cost... *ahem* The only trouble is that I make a point of not keeping such ingredients in the house, knowing that I am likely to eat it all the durn time if I have it on hand... But it's a thought.

It was not until later that I realized that the whole experience has emotional parallels to our experience with trying to become parents. Sometimes you don't get quite what you ordered... You'd think it'd be easier to get what you want... and maybe you decide it's not worth more hassle to try yet again... But the disappointment can kill you. Disappointment can cloud your view so badly that you can't even clearly see what's in front of you.

Meanwhile, life hands you something else wonderful (although not quite what you had ordered). Do you let your disappointment cloud the enjoyment of what you have? Does it cast a pall on the whole experience? Does eerything taste like ashes with the bitterness of it all? Maybe for a while. Yeah, and then, maybe, sometimes, if you are lucky, you realize it's what you wanted, just not in the way you expected, not in the exact manifestation you had anticipated. Sure sounds like "life" to me.

Me, I wanted ice cream. I got some ice cream. Ice cream is good. Mmmmm...

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Meanwhile, I saw a B-by's R Us in the same vicinity. I could barely restrain myself from dragging my dearest over to take a look, but vowed to go back later and peruse everything. Must. Compare. Products. Oh yeah, have I mentioned I am feeling all preparatory and gung ho?

A couple days later, I was in my neighborhood drugstore and bought some well-made baby nail cutters, some semi-disposable baby spoons in rainbow colors and --get this-- a nasal aspirator. Whoo. haha I know; it's funny to get those non-cute items. To me, it represents starting my stash of neccesary baby care items.

I was dropping off some items at my local thrift store and of course cruised the furniture. No dressers or bookshelves, but I found a cute wooden child-sized rocking chair. Very cool. It needs a bit of a scrub down and some wood glue--not a problem; that chair was *mine*.

Once I had snagged the chair, I of course had to check out the baby clothes too. I ended up buying several little onesies, a cute print toddler turtleneck and a *very* cute child's zippered sweater in shades of pink, lavender and aqua of cotton and lambswool. My whole spending spree (which included half an armload of children's clothes hangers) came in under $14. Really a bargain. We have several very nice thrift stores in the area. I can see that this will be a good source for both acquiring children's clothes and letting me indulge in retail therapy at an affordable price. Whoo. "I feel good."

I started a spreadsheet to keep track of baby clothes, their sizes, colors, seasons, etc, and afterwards threw everything in the clothes basket for a wash. In the list, I included several things I have acquired in the last 5 years that I'd left buried in the back of a closet the last 3. Now they feel like they have a purpose after all.

I have a few nervous misgivings about buying big, expensive items before we get closer to match time, glimmerings of superstitions not wanting to jinx anything. But let me just say that it makes me very happy to see those dear little clothes in my clothes basket.

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