Embracing Housewifery

"Hi I'm Marie, and I'm a housewife."

I've been embracing my house wifery in the last several months. Partly it's because I'm tired of justifying what I do and don't do. It's nobody's business how much money we make (except, of course, our adoption agencies and oh yeah, the tax people) or how fulfilling my serial, complex career has been. So rather than making vague answers to that question "what do you do?," I come right out and say "not much!" or "I'm a housewife" or, depending on how I'm feeling, I'll explain my recent trajectory of educational/design projects. I like my projects; I just don't feel it necessary to justify my existence or use of time that way.

But if I don't feel like giving a history (which admittedly can be interesting), I'll just cut straight to the chase. The secret to this is that I am cheerful about it. I announce it with a smile and get it out of the way without a fuss. Only the most obnoxious dare say anything about the income. Or look down their noses at me because I am not working full time. And those people are also surprised to find that we have a nice life without me working full-time. Because, you know, we are thrifty people with live-small values. We like our life together.

Taking on the label of a housewife (for however long until I am sick of it) frees me up to do all kinds of things. Less guilt, more productivity. :) So I have my self-imposed list of tasks. I get stuff done, both around the house and on my own projects. My husband is very supportive. And actually, I am the one who does more housework these days. But hey, my husband is bringing in the big bucks (lol), so the least I can do is sweep the floor occasionally. But I *like* sweeping the floor and cleaning various things; there is satisfaction in that, as I have blogged about elsewhere.

The big issue underpinning my current housewife status is that I have put off *numerous* career moves because I have (had) thought for the past oh... 4+ freakin' years(!!) was that I would become a Mom any day now. yeah. So I've left a big space in my life to be a SAHM. Except, I don't have a baby to justify my SAH existence. Which has been frustrating, in fact at times, excruciating. Not that I mind staying home more, but where is my baby? That's been very hard. I could have had my second child by now if things had gone according to plan. ha, yes, plan.

Now that we have gotten into the long process to Baby (adopting from China), I am more relaxed about being home. Another two years? eh... uh... ack! I mean, no problem! :) I do feel at the end of all of it, I will have my baby to love.

I don't *like* the wait extending; sometimes I want to cry over how long we have been wanting a child. But on the positive side, I have a year or two (or three) to pursue shorter-term projects, of which I have several already in the works. I'm excited about having that time as a "last fling" of sorts before Impending Motherhood. Of course, I have been fooled before. See previous 4+ years. Which has taught me that if there's something I really want to do, I should go do it rather than wait. So I'm using this time in a positive light.

And besides, we have major work on the house and household to be ready for a baby/toddler. And besides, as my husband has pointed out, we probably would have been nowhere near this far along in our paperchase if I *had* been working full-time. So I am house-wife-ing away, working full-time on house and paperchase and my various cool projects. If I have to wait, I might as well enjoy it somehow.

The Power of Saying Yes to Possibility

The Power of Saying Yes to Possibility

I love when I have so much energy and possibilities opening up, new things to put on the schedule and prepare for. New possibilities open up as long as I keep saying "yes!" to them. Lots, lots, lots. Staying open to the flow. Riding the wave and preparing for the next. Life is good.

Cozy as Winter Comes On

Talked to my sis in law. We are brainstorming a Thanksgiving feast that does not involve hours of cooking. Her usual chef in residence has to work that day, so she's decided she won't attempt a turkey without his help, although I offered to drag out my pre-vegetarian experience to stuff the ol' turkey. I could do it. But we decided to not bother so much. Less cooking, more games with the kids would be ideal.

My philosophy is to keep the foods and traditions that are most meaningful and to not worry about the rest. We decided to start a list. What do we *really* want to cook and eat?

So far, we have apple cake, pie, some kind of squash, mashed potatoes and gravy, pie, rice pilaf, and pie. Did I mention pie? Last year I did the whole mince pie thing (which I always do), but none of my in laws found it particularly compelling. Fine. There was plenty leftover for me to eat for breakfast lunch and dinner the way I/we usually do. Yum. But given that we are traveling, I am now thinking of what I can make ahead of time (rather than having to cook all day once I get there). Maybe I can precook the squash and mash it and *freeze* it for the trip up, then reconstitute in time for a hot casserole with pecans. That might work. Save the mince pie for Christmas this year. Or make some for upcoming potlucks... mmmm.... Distracted by thoughts of mince pie....

Where was I? Thinking about Thanksgiving. The truth is, I don't mind that slow tipping towards the end of the year and Winter Solstice. This is the time when the days shorten and our bodies slow down. It feels right to gather with friends and family, cook autumn feasts, and gather 'round the fire to toast our good fellowship, to slow down and contemplate even as the commercial frenzy ramps up. All of a sudden we have several gathering events this weekend marking turning points. A baby shower. A house warming. A bonfire and convivial gathering to celebrate the warmth of friendship against the gathering dark. All very cozy and wonderful.

So the Thanksgiving feast will probably include some archaic symbolism of reassuring ourselves of plenty as Winter comes on. Not that we can't get --good grief-- tomatoes and arugela at all months of the year, but sweet potatoes, nuts, roast grains, fall greens... These feed our physical psyche. The deep part of ourselves that craves that reassurance that We Are Ready For Winter. I've got my sweaters and furry slippers and pecans and some jazz on the radio. How about you?

Shiny Happy Universe

On other topics, I am trying to make my life more of how I want. I want clear space to breathe? Okay, then, make the commitment to clear space! I am trying to launch off the things I already do well. F'r instance, I have to have a clean tub, so I scrub it to shiny squeakiness at the first sign of soap scum. I know it's weird, but a shiny clean tub makes me happy. I like sweeping my floors. I like pinching the flower heads off the basil to keep it growing happily. I like the tasks that show immediate results. I feel happier for having done them. The challenge is to do the same for tasks that have gotten overgrown and messy beyond the easy prune.

I read something once years ago that prompted one of my desktop affirmation mottos: Inner Peace Through Daily Maintenance. I can't claim to have written that, but I hang onto that when things seem too overwhelming. It's the whole Bird by Bird philosophy (see Anne Lamott) married to the idea of a regular system. Some quotes:

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Author unknown/unremembered:

"IN HER INTRODUCTION, she explains why housekeeping is important, and why it should be revived. She articulates what I had never realized when I was fluffing the sofa pillows and cleaning windows. Thos chores have very little to do with being meticulous and clean, she says. Instead, they are the means to psychological well-being. It doesn't really matter how someone folds a towel. but it provides a foundation if a person has a system for folding towels..."

Oh, yeah. I like my systems.

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For balance:

"Besides the noble art of getting things done, there is the noble art of leaving things undone. The wisdom of life consists in the elimination of nonessentials. " -- Lin Yutang

The crucial concept here for me is the concept of "essential." What is essential and what is not so important? Ah, it's all in the deciding, is it?

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And something from me:

The universe gravitates towards order and then towards chaos. Like a huge animal breathing, or the sea fluctuating between tides, the universe continually pulses on both cosmic and minute scales and every scale in between.

Ther are random peaks and valleys in states or order and chaos. Even within the larger swings, there are ongoing fluctuations. So a state of chaos might grow, then peak, then start coming back to an ordered state.

Some say the natural state of the universe is order. Some say it is chaos. I tend to say: both!

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... but as much as I appreciate the possibility of creative chaos, I prefer creating order and balance. Something aligned with beauty and purpose. Life aligned in balance. That's the larger pattern that makes me sing in happy synchronicity. Oh, to avoid the distractions. ha. But I like my distractions, my chaos! Then the small pool of order stands out so clearly, and reminds me of what that's like, pulls me with yearning (like the moon) again towards alignment. Order and chaos, like the tides.

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